A Few Drinks Too Many
by Hydromagnetism
Summary: Oneshot. The title says it all, really. Don't read if you're offended by public drunkeness, Sam in women's underwear or shemales...


Hello, again! How are you all? :) Yeah, so, my good friend, **Astronautical**, helped me come up with the idea of this story. And, well, it was too good an offer to refuse. Who _doesn't _love a drunk Dean Winchester? 'Specially one that loves to sing Karaoke and dance upon bartops...

Yeah, so, read and review? :)

By the way, this is rated T for slight implications (well. The song _is _called "I Touch Myself") and swearing.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anyone/thing. Except maybe the bartender, the cheering girlfriends and that lovely shemale Dean likes to call "Katarina". Enjoy!

* * *

His hips swiveled in rhythmic circles as he stood atop the bar.

Sam rolled his eyes, trying to pretend he didn't know his brother—his severely intoxicated brother. A very inebriated Dean was just moments away from pissing in someone's drink, and Sam didn't want to be involved when that inevitably happened.

These were supposed to be 'victory drinks' after taking down a particularly nasty poltergeist. What had started as two beers had turned into whiskey shots at fifteen minute intervals and regular bathroom breaks.

Dean slid down from the bar with a burp and a stupid grin across his face.

"Hey, bartender, get me a Kamikaze." Dean winked at the guy behind the counter. "Y'know, a drink for real dudes." Dean hiccupped.

"Coming right up," the bartender replied with a chuckle, wearing an amused expression that was obviously directed to Sam. "I guess you're the designated driver tonight, huh?"

"Damn right, he is," Dean slurred.

"You're gonna have one nasty hangover tomorrow, buddy," the bartender said with a snort, sliding Dean his oh-so-manly Kamikaze.

Dean released a bark of short, harsh laughter, loud enough to make Sam wince. "You're funny, man. I'll tell you a secret. C'mere." He beckoned his new friend who leaned towards Dean.

"What's your name?" He said.

"Josh."

"Josh," he stage whispered. "You see Sam here next to me?"

"Yes, I do."

"He… well, he wears… women's underwear!" Dean burst into laughter like it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard or said. He abruptly stopped a moment later. "But—but—" He grabbed Josh's shirt by the front, eyes widening. "Shush! Keep the secret!"

Josh nodded, apparently taking Dean seriously, much to Sam's amusement. Dean visibly relaxed. He let go of his death grip on the bartender's shirt, which looked in danger of ripping to pieces.

He grabbed his shot, raised it to his lips and swallowed the liquid inside in one go, before slamming the glass back down on the counter. "Whoa, can I get another one of those?"

"Dude, you're going to get alcohol poisoning."

"Poisoning… very funny. I've been drinking since I… was… _holy crap_."

Dean's eyeballs almost popped out of his head, his whole torso turning in the direction of the stage. "She—she—I gotta talk to her…" he said as if hypnotized. "I…" Dean stood and stumbled his way over to the stairs which led to the stage used for karaoke.

Sam watched Dean and just knew this was going to be a disaster as his brother approached a 'lady', nearly seven feet tall with _extremely_ chiseled features and a whole lot of makeup on.

He saw Dean wink in 'her' direction and smirked, just knowing he wasn't going to be the one to stop this from happening. Maybe he would wait until he sobered up and then record his reaction.

"ALRIGHT, FOLKS, TIME FOR KARAOKE! IF YOU'D LIKE TO JOIN IN, JUST APPROACH WENDY AT THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS AND SHE'LL WRITE YOU IN A SLOT…"

The crowded bar cheered. Dean pointed to himself, then the stage—and then he walked towards the girl who must have been 'Wendy', pushing in front of everyone behind him.

A moment later, the MC announced that Dean would be the first contestant of the contest.

He almost fell up the stairs but it didn't really seem to bother him as he stumbled to the centre. He grabbed the microphone from its stand. "This is dedicated to my new friend, Katarina," he said with a small hiccup and a grin towards the shim in the front row. A few people whistled, most snickered.

A steady rhythm began and Dean steeled his resolve… and began singing.

"I love myself," he sang, severely off-key and butchering a song that was supposed to be sung by a woman. "I want you to love me." He pointed towards Katarina who giggled.

"When I feel down, I want you above me…"

Dean made a crude thrusting movement and half the ladies in the room unintentionally swooned, much to their boyfriends' dismay.

"I search myself… I want you to find me. I forget myself—I want you to remind me…" He went up a note on the last part and Sam winced. Nails on a chalkboard—it ran in the family.

Katarina looked like he or she seriously wanted to jump Dean, and that made Sam both internally shiver and laugh.

"I DON'T WANT ANYBODY ELSE…"

He began dancing, just swaying on the spot at first, but still very awkwardly. "He looks like he's… having fun," the bartender commented, and Sam nodded with a snort.

"—when I think about you, I touch myself! Ooh, I don't want anybody else… oh no, oh no, oh no…"

Dean was dancing more harshly now, a little scary, maybe a lot scary, actually—like he may have gone into a seizure at any moment… weird, untimed thrusts and little jumps and shakes.

"You're the one who makes me come running," he crooned with a little twist, almost tripping over his own feet. "You're the sun who makes me shine…" he snorted for no particular reason.

He managed out, "When you're around, I'm always laughing," around a hiccup. "I want to make you mine!"

Several women in the crowd cheered now, clapping in time to the beat. Dean smirked and swiveled his hips. Even some guys were yelling now.

"Holy crap," Josh said in awe. "How does he do that? When I'm drunk, I look like a total moron."

"He _doesn't_ look like a moron to you?" Confusion colored Sam's tone.

"I close my eyes and see you before me, think I would die if you were to ignore me, a fool could see just how much I adore you, I get down on my knees, and I do anything for you." Dean reached towards Katarina and nearly took a tumble off the stage.

Dean sang the chorus with fervor, but it was still amusing, as he was so _very_ drunk. In his intoxicated state, he could not comprehend that Katarina was a man—Sam couldn't help but burst into a fit of laughter as his brother serenaded him/her.

"I want you, I don't want anybody else. And when I think about you… I touch myself. Ooh." Dean made the thrusting motion. "Ooh. Oo, oo, ah! I don't want anybody else, when I think about you I touch myself, ooh, I don't want anybody else, oh no, oh no, oh no…"

It took a moment for his brain to compute that the song was finished as the crowd cheered. He bowed—and swan dived from the stage by accident, knocking himself out.

Dean grunted as his brother pulled open the curtains—evil damn sun.

"Dude, wake up. Did you have _fun _last night?" Sam sniggered.

"Oh, I hate you," Dean muttered, grabbing the pillow supporting his head and placing it atop his face.


End file.
